I tried to squirm away, scream, push him aside, but really I was clinging to him all the more closely. I couldn't see his eyes in the moonlight but I felt the intensity of his gaze, the attention and care and precision in teasing out the winding tendrils of my thoughts. Twigs snapped beneath us and the sound that leaked from my throat was a whimper. I shook my head from side to side, trying to shield my mind from him.

Just as he is wont to shield me from every harm.

I buckled.

My mouth opened and closed, gibbering, but somehow he understood me. Or perhaps he understood the fear emanating from my body. The world blurred and buzzed like a dead channel on the television, and I could neither see nor hear, only feel his whispers cutting through like a thousand little blades pricking for blood. At first, his reassurances shook me more than calm me. Nonetheless he held his ground. And I tried to smile, searching in his open arms for some strength to borrow.

When I opened my eyes again, the night sky shone brightly behind him and, for a moment, it seemed he wore a halo.

FINALLY I'M FIFTEEN I've been like totally waiting forever for this day like oh, my, god

P.S. Dear LJ users. The theme is too cute not to use. Sorry for the cute.

"It's..."

"It's what?" he asked, with a smile that told me he knew precisely what I was about to say. But he asked nonetheless. Jerk!

I didn't even feel the tingle in my nose but as a tear rolled off the side of my cheek, I knew my eyes had begun welling up long ago. "Incredible," I said, as softly as I could manage, because in that moment, I was quickly losing control.

Daenerys is being put together slowly. I put a fresh install of Hardy—Gutsy-upgraded, actually, since I had so much trouble with the Hardy disk—and XP on there and I'm loving the cleanliness and speediness. She's inherited everything else from Felisin so we'll see if she runs into any hardware problems, but Dany will get piecewise upgrades over the next year or so as needed. Then Felisin will ascend? and become my server... of Apocalypse.

M__'s Rachael is dual-booting Hardy and XP as well. With her hardware back home she will be running so very sexy.

I was in Winblows for all of 5 minutes and I was already frustrated with most everything. The keymap thing is probably due to my shitty install disk, so I'll leave that alone, but it took me a few hours to get settled in before realising that the stuff I have is probably several versions old and I'd better look for newer versions in case of whatever. Compare to KDE being up and running in under 30 minutes with my old configurations AND I had the latest versions of all my gear as soon as I logged in AND my shit is secure and encrypted. I fucking love open source. When I get cravings to play Sims 2 or something I'll suck it up and get it right, but until then: :byewhore:

coworker #1: "get a dog so big that you can ride it"

me: "why don't i just get a horse"

coworker #1: "aren't there restrictions on what roads a horse can go on? dogs can just go on the sidewalk"

coworker #2: "it'd be pretty sweet, take your horse on the highway, go in the HOV lane"

coworker #1: "horses are slow, they're like one horse power"

coworker #2: "get a big one"

coworker #1: "that's still one horse"

coworker #2: "that's a beautiful painting

coworker #1: "that's not a painting. is it a painting lois?"

me: "it's not a painting, it's on a sheet of fabric"

coworker #2: "yeah that's what i said"

coworker #1: "that is NOT what you said"

I've avoided it for a while but I can't avoid it forever. It's too good to tuck away. Hey, I handled Sigur rós alright. Album Leaf's We Once Were.

"This is my sort of music," he muttered as he sat back. He glanced up from behind his glasses, his stunning blue eyes half-shy, half-resentful.

Tjú, tjú...

The walls, normally white, glowed like brushed gold in the midday sun. It was warm out; I had a warm drink in my hands. Yet I felt no warmth. His voice was icy like his eyes as he continued.

"I hate these meetings..."

Me too, I said without saying. But I did it for you anyway.

Hjálp...

Once in a while I like to take time out and just... grieve. I celebrate all the bad, all the nasty, the low of lows. Things that happened, things I did to bring them about, things that... simply were.

"Take my phone away," I said, sobbing, too ashamed to look at the little machine or his face. He pocketed it wordlessly.

I buried my face into the pillow, feeling the intruder, the stranger that I was, a stranger even to myself. Why was I so weak? Mustering all my strength, I breathed, and slept, and did not dream.

There is much to write. Fonts of memory, both recent and distant, tease my thirsty sensibility; echoes of voices carried to my mind's ears, tantalisingly broken, waiting to be strung into sense. Yet as I sit at my keyboard, fingertips idly brushing against the nubs that remind me I have excellent typing posture, only three words come to mind.

So much power behind their diminutive forms—an onslaught of emotions held at bay, raw, unbridled, staggering when unleashed. Like a war horn, or a newborn's first chuckle. A long-awaited downbeat, the rush of wind at the end of a tunnel, or mother's reassuring voice from the other side of the world. The agony of being, and the wondrousness. Commanding all attention, invoking surreality. And thus I spake unto thee, saying:

Wo. Ai. Ni.